What happens when we die?
by Meow the Unicorn
Summary: Sirius is killed and comes to a white-place where he meet James after all their years appart. Is this Sirius heaven? SiriusxJames


_What happens when we die?_

Suddenly, everything was white. Sirius slowly opened his eyes, but realized they were already open. A strange smell drifted by. It reminded him of a love-potion. It smelled all the things he was attracted to. It smelt of forest and something that reminded him of a well done prank. It smelt of a smile, and messy, black hair. No, Sirius thought. He did not want to think about such matters. He did not want to think about _him_.

He looked around the room, but saw nothing. He wondered where Harry had gone, and Bellatrix, and all the others. The hallway, and the circular room, and the prophecy. Why everything was suddenly white and peaceful. And silent. Way to silent. Although the wind, or whatever it was, bringing him the smell, sounded of a well familiar laughter. He wanted to panic by the sudden change of scenery, but he somehow just couldn't.

He looked around to try and take control over the situation. He was naked, but he was OK with that. He didn't know where his wand was, but he was ok with that too; it didn't seem like anything in this strange world would ever harm him.

He walked around in the white nothing, but somehow he knew where he was. He was in a meadow in The forbidden forest where he and the other marauders had camped without anyone knowing back at one of their school days. He remembered the smaragd green grass, and the smell, - perhaps the same he smelled now, - and the happiness of being with his three best friends. He shivered. That traitor could not be called his friend; he was disgusting, but Remus and James at the other hand...

He had had the feeling of happiness, that was impossible to top. As if no human could feel more happy than he had at the time. He tried to remember it in detail, but it was more and more vague for every time, he had learned. But now, he could remember everything perfectly, as if it happened in front of him. The sun playing over Remus` face and in his golden locks. James throwing his head backwards as he laughed of pure happiness too, along with his best friends in the world. His perfect, shining-white teeth, well worth a couple of years with braces to end up like that. The freckle under his left eye, almost like a beauty mark. The glasses sliding down the bridge of his nose as Sirius and Remus tickle-attacked him.

Sirius had never felt more happy and at the same time, never as sad.

One thing had been to loose James in the real world, but here, -wherever he was, he remembered the boy into the last detail. His beauty, both on the outside and the inside. There was no-one Sirius had loved more than him.

«Hey, Padfoot,»

He spun around, and could not believe his eyes. There he was. Not aged a day after they left Hogwarts. But... that was not possible. Sirius quickly looked away. He didn't know what was happening, but the real James had grown older than that, and also... Well, he had died.

Without a sound his dead beloved walked over to him, smiling, though frowning at Sirius` expression.

«What is wrong, Siri?»

«You... are not James...» he whispered, speaking the name hurt. The boy looked so much like him. Perhaps this was just Voldemort toying with his mind, entering memories and changing them. Sirius knew he could.

The boy with the glasses looked startled. «It is me. And i`m so happy you are here, Sirius,» his voice fond and loving. No, Sirius thought, afraid of what he would do. The fake James smiled at him was though he returned his feelings. As though there was no Lily Evans, no death, no sexuality stopping him from loving his best friend. But it was fake, Sirius had to remind himself. The real James would never do this to him.

«You are too young. James was killed when he was around the age of thirty,» Sirius said, as though he had not memorized james` birthday and celebrated for him even when he had cheesed to exist.

James let out a little of the beautiful laughter that made Sirius feel butterflies in his stomach like he had when they were just kids. «You don`t know where we are, do you?»

Sirius shook his head.

«Look, in the mirror,» James pointed to a mirror which had suddenly appeared out of no where.

«are we in the room of Requirement?» he asked, walking up to it as the James-looking boy followed him. He shook his head. «Guess again,»

Sirius looked in the mirror and gasped. He was no longer an adult. He looked about seventeen, like the hazel-eyed boy did.

«Is this.. Erised?» he asked and nodded against the mirror. He could see himself and the young version of James in it, second named smiling lovingly. This was truly what he would see in the mirror who shoved his greatest desire.

«No,» he looked at Sirius and toyed with one of his long locks. «But you said I died... And now you are a place you do not know where are..»

«Am I-?» Sirius froze, a memories of green light rushing forward against him, as he had just spoken to James-..Harry. _Not_ James; _Harry_. He had to know the difference, even though how much pain it caused him to know that James was not alive, he had to know that his son could not replace his one true love.

«-dead? Yes, i believe so,» James nodded and smiled sadly at his friend, caressing his jawline with his index-finger and thumb as he spoke. «Tell me.. what have happened since me and Lily ... well, disappeared,»

Sirius looked away. «I got the blame for murdering the two of you, though it was really Peter... selling you to Voldemort,»

«_What?_»

«Yes, Peter told Him where you lived and-»

«You got the blame? How could they blame _you_? You`re my best friend in the world. Remus and you. But how could Peter-?» James seemed lost, and Sirius explained to him what had happened after his death, and quickly about the years in Azkaban. Not with to much detail, of course; he didn't want to upset James further. He apologized for not being able to give many facts; the fact that he had been in prison for twelve years stopped his information quite a bit, but James just shook his head and hugged him closely. The sent of James` hair... That was what he first had smelled.

When James let go after a long time, they gazed into each other`s eyes. Sirius knew he was technically an adult, but his knees still felt like jello and his skin burned when James` fingers traced over the bare skin of his arms. He still did not mind being naked, as he though about it James were too. It had never occurred to him before, and it was more like a fact than arousing.

«But... Are you really Prongs?» he whispered. James nodded. «I promise you,» he said, and showed his thumb almost in Sirius` face for him to look at. The little scar from the firstyear when the two of them had become blood-brothers in all secrecy from Peter and Remus, was still there. Sirius hold up his thumb and shoved him the same scar.

«Is this... Paradise, then?» Sirius asked. James nodded. «At least this is where I went after death,»

«Err...» Sirius began, before stopping, knowing the question might be rude. He told James this when he asked what it was, but James only laughed at the reply. «You are _Padfoot_, damn it! Since when do you care if you are rude or not?»

«Is.. err...» he coughed, not sure what answer he wanted; what was more important, his own happiness or James`. «Where is Lily?»

James smile faded, and Sirius quickly understood he had said something wrong. «I`m sorry, I didn't mean to say anything wrong,» he said quietly, as the adult he in reality was. Or used to be.

«She was here in the start. You see, this place is heaven for the people who is here. If Lily is my heaven, then she will be here with me, but if where not each other`s heaven, - if it is one-sided, than they will end in different places. Waiting alone until someone else who would make this place heaven for you appear. The really, really few people who does not have anyone, - they did not need to know the person in their former life, they will appear if they are.. well, soulmates, i guess-, they who have no-one will be here alone. And then it is not heaven anymore, but hell. There can be more than one person making this place heaven, but you do not know where the other people are. For example, you could have died without me knowing it, and if you was not part of my heaven, and i was not part of yours, i would never know,» James stopped, to take a deep breath.

«You get everything you wish for here, like the room of Requirement as you mentioned, but not people. So I have waited for a long time, perhaps. Fourteen years, it seems, waiting,»

Sirius just nodded, wondering how James knew this.

«I know this out of my own instinct. I do not know how else to explain it,» james said, feeling a bit stupid as he had no proof. But Sirius just sat down next to him on a bench that appeared out of nowhere.

«Err.. Has Remus died yet? or.. you know..» James looked away, clearly worried that their other bestfriend did not want him in his heaven.

«No, he has not,» Sirius reassured. «But I`m sure he will someday, when he is old and grey in real life. Who was the other one you asked about?»

«Harry,»

«No, Harry is not dead. He is fighting Voldemort, being brave and a true hero. And in many years when he have died when his time has come, with his wife by his side and many grandchildren, i am sure he will come here,»

«He might choose Lily. I am not sure how this works, but perhaps he need to choose. Perhaps.. I don`t know,» James looked down at his bare feet. «One day Lily and i fought, you see, and she disappeared slowly... like a ghost becoming nothing. I was not part of her vision of a heaven anymore. And I still ain't,»

Sirius` eyes widened. He knew how much James loved Lily, and hugged him tightly. «But I am here... In your heaven,» he smiled lovingly. «In the future the family harry started would be here, and his friends, Ron and Hermione, - they are amazing, and Remus and his family. Everyone will be here with us, making this a perfect place to be,»

«I really hope so,» James said in a low voice. «although i wanted you to be here with me more than anything, then.. I didn't really want you to die. I want you to be there with Harry, making sure he is OK,»

Sirius shook his head. «Harry is an amazing boy. He will beat Voldemort,» he smiled at his love, knowing that even here he was not more than a friend to James. He caressed the others arm, and he caresses Sirius` jaw. Sirius could not think of anything more perfect than this moment, and wanted to sit like this forever. And perhaps they where going to.

«What if he don`t defeat Voldemort,» James asked worried. «what if he kills him?»

«Then he will come here of course,» Sirius sad reassuring, smiling slightly. «someone will take his place, i promise you. We could.. ah; adopt him,» he smirked.

James smiled.

«But now there is only us here,» he said. Sirius nodded. «Yeah,»

James eyes widened. «Oh, i though of something,» he said and smiled widely. It was like everything around them changed, and suddently they sat in a medow with tall, smaragd green grass together, just the two of them, under the stars.

«James...» Sirius whispered, almost not able to breath. This was the place he had kissed James for the first time. It had been their forth year, and james was head over heals for Lily at the time, and had told Sirius that he loved him like a friend but nothing more. It had destroyed him, but still... Just being with James made him happy.

James smiled a sweet smile. «I remember my life clearly now. I see have foolish I have been. This is what I should do,» he whispered as he leaned in to kiss Sirius, who gladly returned the kiss. Their eyes closed and they sat that way for a while, just feeling each-other. They did not know how much time had passed when they broke the kiss. Perhaps seconds, perhaps years. But it didn`t matter.

«I love you, Prongs,» Sirius whispered. James smiled and rested his head at his friend`s shoulder. «I love you too, you know,»


End file.
